Friday, March 28, 2008

Things Always Turn Around

Do you ever feel like nothing is working? Like you're never good enough?

I'm searching and searching for a job, and I'm ALWAYS missing something. Not enough experience, I have the knowledge but not the papers, I don't speak Spanish, my written English isn't good enough.

What is wrong with me? Why am I unfit for everything?

I'm trying to lose weight, but there's always something in my way. If the food works, then I can't get the exercise straight, when I exercise right, I lose control of the food.

What is wrong with me? How come I can't just get this right?

I'm trying to be a good wife, but I talk too much, I'm too hyper, I can't pay my part of the bills cause I don't have a steady job. Over everything how dare I feel down in front of him?

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be perfect?

Cause nobody is? How can I look at this, without ending up feeling like a piece of dirt?


The Job Thing

The job market is dried out, it's a recession, so it will take time. It has nothing to do with me.

I have never had a hard time finding a job. I'm reliable, I'm resourceful, I do have a big mouth, but I learned to slow down (a little hehe). I'm not finding a job because I'm a teacher and they are laying off thousands of teachers right now here in California.

It'll turn around, kids need to be taught. In a year or two (or three) they'll realize they are out of teachers, and things will move. Until then, I can earn my keep however I can, and keep up my spirits.

When the right job comes along, I have to be ready, solid, strong, so that I can get it. If I spend the time being depressed and being discouraged, it'll show, and they'll pass me up. Chin up, I'm good, I know it!

The Weight Loss Thing

If I want to lose weight, I need to stop trying to be perfect, and start being consistent.

I don't need to put ALL my energy on eating the right foods in the right amounts. I have to plan healthy meals, keep and eye on the snacks, and if the proteins are a little low one day, then I'll make it up later. If my bento is less cute one day, so be it. It'll be cuter later.

That way I have time and energy to workout. Which brings me to the same idea with working out. I don't need to work my behind off everyday to see results. I just need to work at it every day.

The Wife Thing

When we first started talking, when we first met, I was talking a lot, I was hyper, and he loved me that way, still does. We knew from the start that it would be hard for me to get my feet down, there was a language barrier, there was a lot of red tape to cut through, it's just how it was. We both knew that from the get go.

I have found other ways to do my part. I've made us more healthy, I've learned and then taught him a new lifestyle that works for both of us. I've taken up organizing, decorating the house, which he never bothered with, but which he now appreciate.

I have had my low moments where I leaned on him, and he has had his moments when he leaned on me. Isn't that what being married is all about? Why should I feel guilty for just being human?

Things Always Turn Around

I've had my share of hardships in my life, I met and overcame many challenges. A lot of the times though, I would think "This is it, there is no way I'm going to dig myself out of that one". Wouldn't you know it, every times something happened, someone would lend a hand, or I would just bull my way through until it worked.

Humans are incredibly resilient. We have strength that we don't even know we have. When everything goes dark, there will always be a light coming on, always. Sometimes it takes you a while to find it, but it's always there.

If you stop looking for it though, you might just miss it. It might be a small thing: An image that gives you an idea; somebody who can give you a little help; a book that might inspire you to "try differently"; a beautiful landscape that reminds you what is really important.

The only time you really fail is when you give up. As long as you keep trying, as long as you keep hoping, something will turn up. Something always do. To see it though, you need to believe in it, to believe in yourself, and to keep going.

You don't need to be perfect, you'll never be and trying is just going to bring you down. You need to keep trying, keep improving, see mistakes as learning opportunity, not failures.

If you do that simple thing you can achieve ANYTHING.

Be good n stuff!

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